Unusual conversations

1. A crowded office protected by mossy brick walls from the hum of traffic outside. The sun pours generously through the windows and burglar bars, casting shadows on a tall man hunched in front of a computer and another leaning casually back in a chair that squeaks.

Tall dude: "Wow. This internet is driving me nuts."
Dude: Confused by the idiom. "You want nuts?"
Tall: "No. I'm irritated."

2. Same crowded office but in the evening. The sun is low. It's cold. A tall man spreads himself along a couch. Another twenty-something man leans against a desk. He looks inquisitively at the clearly fatigued man on the couch.

Another dude: "Tell me about racism in the United States."
Tall dude: "Sure. Do you have a specific question?"
Another: "Yea, I do. Umm. Is it better now, you think?"

The tall man sits up from the couch and thoughtfully itches his facial hair. He then explains a massive history with only a few sentences and some perfunctory hand gestures.

Tall: "So it's better, but we can still make progress."
Another: "I was watching Oprah some months ago..."

3. A rural Malawian school. Classes are out. A tall teacher with a bag full of ungraded notebooks strides out of the library . Dust kicks up and laps at his faded Dockers with each step. He needs to wash them soon. A student still in full uniform, a blue v-neck sweater with a neat white collared shirt underneath, black trousers, and black close-toed shoes, stops him.

Student: Sirrah, can I ask you a question about geography?
Tall teacher: Sure. Do you have a specific question?
Student: Sirrah, we should sit down.

The tall teacher puts down his bag and gestures toward two chairs outside the library. They sit.

I know you are not a geographer, sirrah, but I have a geography question.
Tall: That's just fine. We'll see if I can answer it.
Student: Well sirrah, you know some nights the moon is very big, and sometimes it is very small. But sirrah, some nights you cannot see the moon at all. Sirrah, where does the moon go?

The tall teacher laughs and begins drawing funny pictures with circles and lines.

4. Night. Top of Mulanje plateau. A group of weary hikers, exhausted from the day's hike and excited to summit the next day, try to sleep on the cold floor. In the adjacent room, secondary school students chat, joke, and generally annoy the exhausted and excited hikers.

Tall hiker: What time is it?
Blonde hiker: One thirty.
Tall: *&#!

Tall hiker unzips his sleeping bag. Dons a head lamp. Enters adjacent room. The head lamp glares into the eyes of fifteen stunned students. This man is crazy.

Tall: Slow, measured, enraged special English Who can tell me what time it is now?

5. Bar in rural Malawi. Loud music--bad music like Dolly Parton and Kenny Rodgers. (Where is some Akon, you know?) Cheap menthol smoke. Drunken voices. A tall foreigner shoots the breeze with an aged local fellow. Gray hair. Bad eyes. Weird breath.

Aged local fellow: I have many daughters. They are not married. I can give you some.
Tall foreigner: Oh. I see.
Aged: How many cows do you have?

The elderly fellow eyes the outsider, surely rich with cattle. His glance shows a certain enterprising smugness. He can perhaps double the dowry to eight or even twelve cattle! Three daughters, twenty four to thirty six foreign cows!

Tall: I have zero cows.
Aged: Pause. Confused disappointment. You cannot have my daughters.